writing struggle

I have so many childhood dreams just like every kid in the world. The most overwhelming among them all is being a scientist, which sounds very cool in kindergarten times. I’ve also thought seriously about being a painter, drummer and a photographer, expressing myself through palette, instrument, or camera. But my mom asked me, “what about a writer?” Indeed, it the most direct way to reveal oneself to the world. But honestly, I’ve never thought about it before!

During the time in primary school and middle school in China, we had to do a lot of Chinese writing every week. I always scored very high in writing class, but I hate it. Because I didn’t write what I want to write, I just did to satisfy my teacher. It’s like getting an A for lying all the time. There were so many rigid frames and requirements related to writing at that time. Then in High School, I decided to change, to write something I really want to. But it turned out to be a low score, as my teacher commented, strange and at the edge.

Then I came to US, and the writing nightmare accompanied me as well. The first time in Eng.110 class, I face the same dilemma, too. Not to satisfy Penny, but satisfying English itself. Since English is not my mother tongue after all, I tended to say what I could say best in English instead of what I want to say most. It’s contradictory. But later, through more and more drafts and reviews and class discussions, I realized that your point weights more than grammar or fluency, since it’s something that last, capable of impressing others. So I begin to make a turning, to a positive direction I think.

Gradually, I find it no longer that hard for me to write, since it’s just telling the truth, with some effort in looking for the proper words. I hope one day in future, writing would be as easy as photographing to me, just push the shutter!!